The Chocolate Lady

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

sweet little orphan Sandy

** Word of caution, the following post may contain some material deemed inappropriate for most people, and also makes some judgemental generalizations about orphans, stripper poles, and dangling diamond belly rings. So, if you think you might be offended, here is your word of warning that you may want to exit this page now.**

Well, I heard back from sweet, sweet, little orphan Sandy. She sent some very official documents with her email, along with some, um, pictures (dont worry, they arent *quite* porn.)

Here, let me just show you:

Dear kim,

Thanks for your urgent response. I appreciate your willingness to help me out of my present critical condition. I pray that Almighty God will guide and protect us until final end of this transaction. This funds was deposited in the International Commercial Bank of Ghana. And i am presently in the refugee camp here in Accra Ghana, because of the political crisis in my country Cote D I'voire for my safety.

However i have a proper discussion with the bank manager regarding the transfer of the funds and he told me that am too young to handle the transaction alone that i should look for someone abroad who i can trust to handle over my funds. That was why i contacted you to assist me by standing in the bank as my late father foreign business partner on my behalf regarding the transfer of the funds into your account in your country. As soon as the funds is in your position, then you will invest the funds in a good profitable lucrative business, to enable you to take good care of my school fees and also to get residence permit for me to start a new life with you.

I am giving you the contact of the bank where the funds is now to enable you to contact them regarding the transfer of the funds to you. Below is the contact of the bank.

TELEPHONE: +233-242-820-353

Please do not hesitate to get in touch with me after you contact the bank.

Thanks very much and my feeling the most distinguish.
Your Sincerely,
Sandra., she is 22, but lives "refugee camp" because of "political crisis"...certainly people know she is wealthy, I mean, she is like the Oprah of Gana, No?? And she has to stay in a "refugee camp"?? Which, by the way, is not an orphanage...a point Ill make in my reply.

Here are the official documents:

But, poor little Sandy, at least someone is making sure she is comfortable and well decorated, as noted by the BLING dripping out of her navel.

Now, Ive been thinking about my response letter, and Im gonna have to play it cool. I dont want to let on that I know she is a scammer, or scare her away, so, probably not a good idea to ask if she has been forced into child labor, or mention how the grip she has on the tree looks like she is ready to take a twirl around a stripper pole (which I would know nothing about, if not for that trashy show, "Rock of Love" and...did you see the reunion show? What an ending!) but I digress.........

So, here is my reply back...........

Dear Sandra,

I am so sorry for your situation, that must be very hard on you to stay in a refugee camp. In our country, we once had Japanese people in camps, during the second World War, and I know it was very hard on them. I will pray that God is caring for you and protecting you there.

I am glad to see you have a swimming pool, because that at least will allow you some comforts. At the orphanage where I used to work, we had 2 swimming pools, One deep pool for the older children, and a small, shallow pool for the toddlers, it was really a very nice treat for them.

I have spent time in prayer, and in Exodus, it says not to take advantage of the orphans, and it also says not to make money from them! This made me worry that the Lord would not want me to take any money in exchange for assisting you. I feel as if I should just assist you with no reward, because you are a sister in the Lord and in need of help.

Then, as I prayed more, he showed me a vision of how the money I am given can really help so many orphans, and God confirmed that He does want me to help you and to use the money I receive to help many orphan children, what a blessing!!

The word orphan, with pictures of children was really impressed upon me by God. I was hoping that one of your pictures would include you with some of the orphan children from your camp, because that would be the absolute confirmation that I would need from God.

In our country, being 22 is not an orphan, you must be under the age of 18, so if you could show me a pictures of young orphan children, that would really help to confirm my prayers of helping you.

God bless you sister, please know I am praying for you.


Let's see how this shakes out, Ill keep you posted!


BOSSY said...

Lord. Have. Mercy. Really, like *right* now. Too funny.

Grandma J said...

Did I read her e-mail correctly? She will be starting a new life with you? Are you adopting her?
She'd be a big hit sitting around the pool for Pooper's swim meets now wouldn't she?

The Running Girl said...

You crack me up. You are an excellent writer. I could never think of the things you have. I think she'll make a nice addition to your family! Instant babysitter - HAHAHA

lalalagirl said...

Congrats on your new family member! I can't wait to meet her when she gets here. Jeesh.

Anonymous said...

If she makes it to Ladera Ranch does she know there is alot of "sexy" compitition here. She is only 22 and the sexy people of Ladera I beleive are just a few years older than that. Does she need swim lessons? I noticed the pool picture so maybe she has already had them but if not one of those olympic boys might be able to help.

Kim said...

HA! Anonymous, you are so right....she would fit right in with our "sexy culture" and she could have swim lessons with the Olympic swim coaches (the ones "Jane" was hitting on.)