Tearing wings off of butterflies

If you've read this blog for any length of time, and I mean ANY, as in A DAY, you know that Pooper is no angel. I think he is an amazing kid, with lots of fantastic qualities and amazing strengths, but he's not perfect.

And, just as a side note....his nickname is Pooper. He likes it. And, that's what we call him. If those of you (eh hem, GJ) want to call him something else, that's fine, but he earned that nickname, and by golly, after 7.5 years of calling him Pooper, we arent changing it now.

But anyways....

Yesterday we went to our 2nd audition. It was for (or all things) a Public Service Announcement re: cancer research. But the casting call was for kids WHO CAN SWIM! for a pool party scene. That means, HIGH. ENERGY.

We show up, and I had spent a bit of time on the drive up reminding Pooper that kids at a pool party are "happy" and "energetic"...and he understood, that he should portray such.

We entered the waiting area, and there were other kids already there. Kids that were running around, hopping on the colored floor tiles, climbing on furniture... and Pooper sat, like the 45 year old, er, I mean, the 7 year old that he is, with good manners.

Each time the casting staff walked through the room, I imagined that they noticed the adorable, creative, spunky energy that all the other child displayed....

I doubt anyone noticed the quiet kid, sitting nicely with his mommy.

I encouraged him to go and play, but again, he took a back seat to the hyper kids.

I felt disappointed and proud, all at the same time.

I wanted him to show off his outgoing personality, I wanted everyone to see that he is a leader, a smart and funny leader...but instead, he only displayed good behavior. Behavior that I have worked hard to instill in him. But behavior that isnt going to get him any role as the exciting, bouncing off the wall, pool-perty-enjoyer.

Last week, we went to an audition for a music video. We were in a big building that had several different castings going on...mostly adult castings.....women, model looking women who were hoping to land a spot selling Cool Whip or plugging Target. Each audition had it's own little room, but we all shared one big waiting room.

With a couple hundred people gathered in the room with low ceilings, voices seemed to carry. More than once, a casting director would come out into the big room and YELL (and cuss) for everyone to be quiet...how could they tape with all the noise?

My Pooper was quiet and well behaved, I didnt have to tell him to be quiet, he stood, waiting, patiently.

Im guessing the bazillion doctors visits have helped in this regard. He knows how to wait for hours. He knows not to talk or interrupt when Mommy is talking to the doctor. He knows not to make noise in the waiting room, because some of the other children feel very, very sick. He knows how to be patient, and in those formal settings, he is good at it.

So, when it came time for Pooper to turn it on for the music video audition, I dont think he knew how to transition from "child-waiting-quietly-afraid-of-the-casting-director-who-yells-or-my-mom-that-will-scold-me" to "funky-peppy-energetic-music-video-dancer"

All day, Ive been feeling as if Ive pulled the wings off a butterfly. Im feeling like my desire to instill good manners in Andrew has resulted in him being unable to just have a rip-roaring time...to be child-like.

Again, dont get me wrong, he knows how to misbehave with the best of them....but I just dont know if his skills and strengths are able to be seen in the confines of a brief casting setting. I dont know if we can walk into an interview with adults, and he can turn on his "sponge bob" or "family guy" behavior....and Im thinking it might be my fault, and I worry that he wont be able to soar.