How to make a man fall in love, or at least give you a rose

It’s time for, The Bachelor, which would be more appropriately named, “A man’s search for his circus freakshow side-kick.”

The 2007 Bachelor is a country guy from Texas, who owns a bar or two. Kind of rugged, kind of homey, but definitely cute enough to capture the attention of the 24 bachelorettes who will vie for his roses each week.

Clearly after so many seasons of this show, the girls have figured out that they need to STAND OUT, do something to get noticed, to get this prized man’s attention. Unfortunately, some gals chose some pretty hideous ways to make themselves shine. Some things seemed to work, and the girl was rewarded with a flower at the “rose ceremony” and some things, well, were apparently HUGE turn-offs, I mean, some of these girls are just really lacking in talent, social skills and judgement.

Here are a few highlights of the antics seen on the premiere episode: and let me just say, I wish I had a DVR, ,or at least had taken pictures of my tv, like bossy does , because these are SO MUCH better when you can SEE them. I even looked on youtube for some clips, and there were none (which suprises me), but anyhoo….you could always go check it out on abc online Here are some examples of what you could watch:

Kristy, the acupuncturist, Practiced her Chinese medicine techinique of “tongue reading” on Brad and YES, he seemed to be interested in this weirdo skill of hers, as she got a rose.

Hillary broke her face on a bowling ball, however she is gorgeous to look at (plastic surgery???) whether fake or natural, he liked how she looks and she did get a rose.

Juli, Got on the ground, in her bright blue gown, and put her legs up behind her head, like a pretzel- and even admitted, that she showed this talent off, in an attempt to get the “first impression” rose – I think she forgot that the first impression should actually be a *good* impression, not the impression that scares him the most, because she not only didn’t get THAT rose, she didn’t get one at all and was sent home.

Tauni, wanted to “bust a special move” for Brad, and so she bent over, and stuck her REAR in his face, no lie, and rocked it back and forth, IN HIS FACE, Um Hello Tauni, FLAVOR OF LOVE is filming across the street sweetheart – NO ROSE for Tauni!

Melissa, who was completely wasted, dropped her fake, rubber boob on the floor….and later want on to tell Brad that he was, “sweet….sweet……SWEETNESS”, well, her sweet self went home, roseless.

Morgan, pulled of her “signature move” –honest, she called it that – and put her WEBBED FOOT up on the table to show off to the Bachelor. – Can you guess? NO ROSE.

Mallory chose to spend her 1:1 time in the pool, however, Brad was not in the pool, he was in a tux, surrounded by the other ladies in cocktail/formal dresses…..might have been wise to spend her one-on-one time with him, but in the end, it didn’t matter, the “mermaid from afar” technique was effective and YES, she got a rose.

Jenny did some go-go dancing, and DID get the first impression rose

Lindsey gave BRAD a rose, and then sang a song about the “yellow rose in Texas”….point taken, but the girl could NOT sing. – her sentimental move got her a rose though. Maybe Brad is tone deaf?

It proves to be an interesting show this year, with lots of *special* ladies. Im excited to see all the things they do to try to win Brad's heart, and wonder who will win his hand in the end. Any guesses??