The Chocolate Lady

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm bringing sexy back!

Well, I cant say that I am bringing it back, Im just writing about it, and....I dont think "sexy" is the right word, in fact, it's pretty far from sexy, it's about as sexy as John Mark Karr in a whale tale ....and now Ive gone and made my self nauseous just writing that!

But my readers (all 24 of you) asked for it, and dont let it ever be said that I didnt keep my people here it is, a public service announcement, complete with pictures!

I want you all to know too, that this did not come easy. I have spent the past few days, trying to get a shot, and when the guy was finally there, I would slow down for the photo op, and my dilapidated camera would either malfunction or run out of batteries (it burns up batteries quicker than lightning!) And when I finally, FINALLY, did get the shots, I brought them home to the computer and the mouse broke. Yep, the mouse suddenly became spastic and I couldnt navigate myself to even open up the pics. It was like the devil himself was keeping me from sharing this with all of you. But I scavenged the house and found a new mouse, actually our old broken mouse, which thankfully works better than the current broken mouse, and so here we are.

And, before I post anything that might get ME on the police blotter, I want to remind everyone that Im not using names, and it's nothing to go calling lawyers about, Im just trying to give people a better understanding of the situation, so that they can act accordingly, (ie. dont walk the trail without a can of mace or a bottle of wine - whichever you choose.)

So, there is one long trail that goes in a loop around our community. Sometimes it follows along a marshy creek, other times, as in this time, it passes in front of some homes. There are hordes of joggers, mom's pushing strollers and the occasional kid on their way to school that take this trail. It is very well travelled.

Apparently, someone, a nameless one, likes to park himself in a chair, right along this path. As Ive said before, I cant say I blame him, no need spending your retirement in a bingo hall in some dusty old town (eh hem, Grandma J.) I think it's best to get out, get some fresh air, go where the people are...that's the best way to stay young. But for heaven's sake, dont go asking people to fornicate with you! For one thing, you dont know where these trail walkers have been, and for two, it's not polite to do that kinda thing on the first meeting, and three, are you really up for that? is Viagra that powerful?

Back to being a busy little path, here is a snapshot of a gal just minding her own business. I am pretty sure that gramps was getting all reved up at this point, watching that blond pony tail swing back and forth as his lady got closer and closer, he was probably rehearsing his lines as she approached, "hey, wanna play doctor?" no, no, no, that's too sassy....."hi there, let's have sex." too forward, gotta be more debonair, "can I get you a glass a wine and a pillow?" I just hope the poor gal had on her running shoes! (if you look close, you can see him up ahead, sitting in his chair.)

It was important to me to get a nice good picture, for all of you, you know, just to make sure that we were providing the best possible information. So, I slowed, cause I didnt want to post a big blur, and I had to almost stop, and I think the guy thought I might be hankering up to proposition him. He looked right at me as I snapped the picture.

and then I sped away, afraid that I would look like the perv, taking pictures of strangers on the side of the road, heck, I feared the jogger herself might even call me in for suspicious activity.

I was bummed I wasnt able to get a close up. Not sure how I could have, except to get out and spark up a conversation with the ole guy, and maybe tell him I had just the girl for him, but would need his picture, or something (and you know I would have done it!!) but the jogger had me nervous, not to mention the look on the guy's face....and because Im generous, I tried to crop a closer look of that handsome face for all of you to drool over.....

hopefully nobody recognizes him as their long last uncle.

Im not too sure how much longer he will keep up this hobby, as I noticed his house was up for sale, and, not to be crass, but he's no spring chicken either, so one way or another, I doubt his gig will continue too long.

For those single ladies, interested in finding a spunky one, better get here soon. The rest of you, just stick to the treadmill at the gym.

PS. I just stumbled upon something so ridiculous, that I had to post it...but it's too trashy to post on here, so Ill send the brave over to TMZ to check it out. Maybe some one should get this as a present for gramps!


Grandma J said...

He looks quite harmless to me. What does that say on his vest? Maybe he is a crossing guard or maybe he is a coach and that's the league vest.
Anyway, I will be there next week and I might just take Elise for a stroll and strike up a conversation.
I'm sure we will find out he is just some harmless old guy sitting out there having his morning coffee, who likes chatting with everyone like my retarded uncle Jack used to do. He used to scare people too.

Kim said...

Mom, was your retarded uncle Jack on the police blotter twice for trying to get women to have sex with him??? The worst Jack ever did was criticize your dirty floors and offer to clean them.

He is not a crossing guard or anything like that, heck, he probably cant even cross himself.

I realize I have the world's most shy readers, but Im hoping that some of the gals that actually live in the same neighborhood with this man will chime in, as apparently he has been very busy on his block.

kerilee said...

Hey Kim-
I am the one from the Ladera Post
"doctor asks jogger to have sex with him". I too always waved to him and thought he was just a sweet little old man. My friend Kim Corral sent me this so I could read it and laugh and then I saw it was you! I have warned the entire neighborhood about him as he said some pretty nasty stuff to me
of course all in a friendly way. I am laughing.............
Keri Lee Roth

The Running Girl said...

As a runner, I think I'd avoid that area. I guess I'm just paranoid, but I really pay attention to my surroundings when I run. If this guy was sitting on his porch, that would be one thing, but he's right there next to the sidewalk. Too close for my comfort.