The Green Eyed Monster

This past weekend, Beauty had one of her most dramatic melt-downs EVER.

My Honey was kind enough to take the kids out for a fast-food lunch. Not only that, but Mr. Nice Guy took them each to their own drive thru. Yeah...Pooper wanted Der Weinerschnitzel, so, that's where they went, and in addition to his dog, daddy let him get chili cheese fries too. Then Beauty wanted El Pollo Loco, so, My Honey drove on over to that place and got her lunch, and A CHURRO. He also ordered a churro for Pooper, because, he's the world's greatest dad.

Now,let me just say...the fact that they got to pick their own fast-food joint, AND got to eat chili cheese fries and churros, well, those were special things.

So, I would have expected my kids to come home just beaming with joy and gratefulness, really.

But, Beauty, instead, went into a crying, body-heaving, screaming, gasping for air, nobody-can-even-understand-what-she-is-saying meltdown. 500 degrees fahrenheit, meltdown.

My Honey was dumbfounded, he couldnt figure out why in the world she was upset. He had given her exactly what she asked for, above and beyond the norm, and she was not happy.

I explained to him, this thing called being spoiled. being jealous. never being satisfied.

I called Beauty over, and tried to understand her words through the gasping for air and tears. It seems, that she was troubled, that Pooper got a "special" food at his restaurant "chili cheese fries"....and.....

and...Daddy said, You got a special thing too, I got you a churro.

yes, but daddy also got Pooper a churro....from Beauty's restaurant, and he didnt get anything special for Beauty from Pooper's restaurant.

Are you following me? It's pathetic!

I took her churro away, determined that she would not have it, unless she could be thankful (*I* never buy them churros...this was a treat!)

I went through the whole she-bang about being grateful, a few times. She did a time out in her room to "think about it"....a couple time outs. Finally, we thought she got it.

Wrong-O!

I gave her back her churro, and as she walked away, she mumbled....through a re-emergence of tears and whining, "Pooper got a churro AND cheese fries!"

And that, was the end of my patience. I then went into my spiel on our Colombian family, who AT BEST, get to eat churro crumbs (from someone else) off the sidewalk, and there was no way I was going to let her eat a churro, for which, she was so ungrateful.

And then, being a good mother, ready to teach every possible honorable lesson, I ate the churro.

This morning, it wasnt churros, or chili cheese fries, no, it was SMENCILS.

My kids attended one of life's most-fun birthday parties yesterday. It was the birthday of one of Pooper's wives. The daughter of my "anonymous" neighbor, Jane

It was at a neighborhood swimming pool, with an Olympic theme, because, you see, my one-day-daughter-in-law is of Olympic Swimming caliber, and at the ripe old age of, Just turned 7, she already has serious aspirations to make it to the games. and she probably will. she is THAT good!

Anyhoo...so, swimming, water balloons, fun relay races, food, etc. and the cherry on top....the gift bag.

The gift bag contained, amongst other goodies, a SMENCIL.

For those out of the loop, a Smencil is a pencil that smells.

This morning, I thought we were having a home-invasion-robbery, what with all the screaming and commotion, but in actuality, it was just Pooper and Beauty arguing over a smencil.

Beauty had the chocolate scented pencil in her bag, Pooper had grape. and they TRADED. And then, naturally, Beauty wanted to trade back.

This caused Pooper great distress, because, as he put it, Beauty had allowed Little One to hold the smencil (in a plastic container) and Little One had "slobbered all over it"...so now, he didnt want it back.

The truth is, Little One held it, within it's protective container, and their was no slobbering, no moisture, nothing. He just didnt want to trade back.

And, while I normally wouldnt allow "trade backs"....I actually dont even allow "trades" AT ALL (can you see why??) and so I simply nullified the illegal trade.

Well, Pooper became incensed (pun intended) and went on the crazy rampage, OVER A SMENCIL.

I pulled him close, and said as calmly as possibe;

Son, you are losing your mind over a fruity smelling pencil. A PENCIL. A PENCIL!

I want you to think just for a minute, about your Colombian brother. Can you imagine him fighting over a PENCIL? He has more serious worries, like, who in the family will get the ONE BLANKET, when they are sleeping out in the snowy streets. That's what HE is worried about, while you fight over a PENCIL.

I mean, really, Pooper was so out of control over this....it was unbelievable.

Naturally, the smencil is now in my possession, as I have vowed to mail it to Colombia.

On a side note, Beauty asked me yesterday.....while looking at the picture of her Colombian sister on our refrigerator.....

Mom, if they dont have anything, how could they have taken that picture because they dont even have a camera?

Excuse me now, while I go take a bubble bath (ha! fat chance!)....instead Ill just curl up in the corner and sniff myself into calmness, with a grape flavored pencil under my nose.