My night at the discotheque

In an effort to "keep it real"...and because Im a hard-core "night owl"....I'm going to share some fun with all of you, even if it is nearly midnight.

In a nutshell, my kids have been sick this week. They all have something a little different...sort of like everyone has 1.5 different bugs, and they are sort of on rotation, just to keep me on my toes, wondering who might vomit next....and I hate vomit.

In fact, Ill share with you just how selfish I am as a mom....while I should be thinking, "oh, my poor dear doesnt feel good, how can I make them feel better?"...really what I think, is, "OH CRAP! What can I do to make sure the vomit doesnt get on anything? Ill get the kid a bowl, and they better make sure they keep their barf in the bowl and not go throwing up on the carpet or furniture!" Yeah, I know, nobody is going to be writing in to any "My Mother is the best because...." contests over that, but it's the sad truth.

Anyways. Little One has pneumonia. On Tuesday, our very astute doctor thought she heard it when listening to her lungs, but wasnt sure. An x-ray was not obviously definitive either, until the radiologist looked at it, and said it was indeed pneumonia. Also, she really didnt have "symptoms" of pneumonia....per se, I mean, that wasnt why I brought her to the doctor....

So, to me, the lame-o, un-medically-educated mom, that spells, "early stages" or "slight" pneumonia, right?

Our doctor is great, and she gave all the kids plenty of meds for their prospective bugs....Little One got steroids, an inhaler, and an antibiotic....a strong one! (zithromax). In fact, I came away from the pharmacy (after almost an hour of negotiating the incompetencies at the drive thru window..which is yet ANOTHER blog for another day)..with $200 worth of drugs. Can you say "poorhouse"?

So, after 2 days of the stuff, Little One seemed to be getting worse. Now she clearly is struggling to breathe, coughing a lot, feverish and lethargic. It seemed to my untrained brain, that her "slight" pneumonia had become "full blown."

I wondered if the meds were going to kick in or not. Should I wait it out another day or not? And while pondering these deep thoughts, I remembered that our doctor doesnt work on Fridays, and I didnt want to get stuck with Little One getting worse over the weekend, and forced to deal with the ineptness that is our "walk in clinic".

It was 5pm when I had that conversation with myself, so I hurried and called the doctor's office. DANG IT! She had left, but our nurse was there...whom I also love ( I love them because they HEAR me, and they give my kids the strong meds they need...I dont get the brush off, which only drives me insane.)

I told the nurse, "should I wait another day for these meds to work? Should I get a different antibiotic? At what point do I decide this isnt working?"

Dear Nurse M., who feels the same way about the walk in clinic as I do, said, "Just be safe and take her to the ER."

And then I cussed under my breath, and over my breath, and told her I was sick of spending all my time at doctors offices and hospitals....but realized she was right...it was the only real choice.

So, I PACKED UP ALL THE KIDS AND CALLED MY HUSBAND WHO WAS ON HIS WAY HOME FROM WORK, and we went for a little vacation to our TIME SHARE, which is a room at the ER.

We met in the parking lot, and Little One and I checked in, while daddy took the others and went and got dinner.

The ER was flooded with people. It was 6pm, and it looked like a nightclub. A cheap nightclub in a foriegn part of town. Sorry, but if you live in Southern California, you might know JUST WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT.....as those without insurance and doctors, get free health care at our emergency rooms, and they all seemed to be there on the same night, tonight.

We were only there for 4.5 hours, thanks to Little One being a baby with breathing issues. heck, if she didnt have them, I might have come up with a quick case of Munchausen by Proxy, just to cut to the front of the line....

She got more x-rays, which this time clearly showed pneumonia. They recongized her labored breathing and gave her a shot of a strong antibiotic, and a breathing treatment, and a popsicle.....and the nurse was a little annoying, in treating me like I dont know a thing about kids and illnesses and medicines...but that would be another post that I dont have time for now.

Little One was quiet and lethargic.....and while I starved and had a throbbing migraine....she sat and sucked her fingers, while cuddling in my lap. The only part of the night that was not painfully "hospitalish", was when the Celebrity Apprentice came on.....it gave me something to focus on, besides the argument in the hall, re: why a nurse sent a pregnant, bleeding woman straight to ultrasound, without her first being triaged, because now she is there without an IV and if she CRASHES, they may be in trouble.

So, no sooner do I get into the show, does the child life gal come and say, "oh, would she like to watch an Elmo video?"....Uh, no, I say.....she's probably not interested, it's past her bedtime and I think she just wants to rest.....

Which was much nicer than throwing a syringe at her hand and telling her to BACK OFF the remote!

But she insisted, eagerly trying to make my little one feel better.... I then got my migraine boosted by that creeepy Mr. Noodle.....and missed the "assignment".....and Little One didnt even watch the video.

But, we eventually made it home, after her breathing treatment.

And now, Im sitting here, with everyone in bed, praying for Spring to arrive so we can get on with life, and I dont mean CHICKENPOX or some other spring illness....just regular life, where we dont visit doctors.

AND, when I left the hospital, they want me to make sure to have Little One seen in the next 24 hours, by a doctor. ARE THEY KIDDING? It's like I should just hire our own family physician to move in with us or something. If she gets worse, naturally, Ill go back to the Copacabana, er, I mean the ER....if she is feeling better...we arent going anywhere near the place, unless they are providing happy hour, with free hors d'ouevres and drinks, then, maybe Ill consider it.

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For those of you saying the Rosary for our songwriter/sociopath, you can breathe a big sigh of relief.

When his dad got home last night, I secretly showed him the "hit song" THE THIRST FOR BLOOD. He was even more alarmed than I, wondering if we should padlock the kid in his room, for our own safety.

I assured him (with my fingers crossed behind my back) that such gorish ramblings were "normal for boys"

Then, this morning, Dad happily says, "hey pooper, tell mommy where you got the idea for your song."

and Pooper says, "Remember that (describes some plastic, monster-like figurine) that Grandma J got me?" (should we not have guessed that GJ had something to do with this? This is the woman that gave me kids marshmallows for breakfast and sugared cereal for dinner on their overnight slumber parties....)

I lie and say, "sure, oh yeah, that thing, yeah."

"Well," he tells me, "it came with a card that described the [whatever it's called] and it said he thirsts for blood."

And daddy, with a huge grin on his face, clearly relieved that he can sleep at night without a butcher knife under the pillow, says, "see, he read it from that character's info card....it wasnt his idea."....and "isnt that awesome that he could just read that, and then take that little info and write an entire song about it?"

Yeah, great.....I think.

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Im going to try and get some sleep now, and dream of a tomorrow filled with unicorns and butterflies, with happy, well-adjusted, healthy children.