Career Day

Recently, at an elementary school, they had "career day".....where the children were asked to draw a picture of their parent at work.

One little girl turned in this.....



Yeah, I know! What is this world coming to???

Later in the week, the children were able to take their graded drawings home (in case their parents were hoarders that wanted to keep every last stitch of paper their kid had ever written/drawn/created.)

The following day, the little girl brought this note to her teacher:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,

Mrs. XXXXXX

Now, some of you might be saying, "HEY! I already read that story on
Grandma J's website!! "

And to that I would say....yeah, you did. One of the perks of being family, is borrowing things. Like, if Grandma J had some really cute shoes, or a big pair of 3 carat diamond earrings, it would be totally cool if I borrowed them, even without asking, because we are family, and that's how we roll.

The best invention, EVAH

Not only is this the best invention, but for some reason, it's one of the funniest.

Ok, Ill admit, my humor may not always be appropriate. Heck, I took my kids to see the potty humor movie, "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" tonight. And, I married a man who has an infatuation with, "Family Guy"....so, yeah, sometimes I laugh at things that might not be thought of as funny, in the classic sense.

Tonight, as we were walking out of the movies, we met a sweet lady....




we ended up chatting, she is 87, and in her day, was a probation officer in the toughest parts of Los Angeles.....and then, it happened, I noticed her many necklaces. And it caught my eye, like a bright shining jewel, my eyes were drawn to it.

I had to ask...."Is that a LIFE ALERT" necklace???

You know, Life Alert....the, "Help Ive Fallen And I Cant Get Up" necklace, that will save the life of someone who needs help, but cant reach their cell....or get to the old fashioned rotary phone.

I mean, with the exception of the Hover Round (google it, and yes, I did use it in the grocery store when I was pregnant) this has to be one of the best inventions ever....saving lives, and making me chuckle, all at the same time!

Do you know anyone that has one? Do you have any life saving stories re: this beautiful device? Do you plan on wearing one, and if so when?

Morning meltdowns....(sigh)

I thought that having school uniforms would make the morning routine a breeze. And, it probably would, if I was up to date on the laundry Situation (If some orange guy from NJ can be The Situation, certainly my laundry is!)

Usually, Pooper is the source of morning drama, because he isnt a morning person, and moves slowly....(wonder where he inherited THAT gene!) But Poop was away at Cowboy Camp.

Typically, when Pooper isnt making mornings drag, Little One will take over. Whether it's her insistence on bringing her pop-up Dora tent with her in the van, or her refusal to put on shoes, she's a good back up for keeping the morning chaotic. But, not today.

Today, Beauty decided to try her hand at making us late to school.

She wanted to wear a skirt, and I was forcing her to wear the jumper. You see, I hadnt caught up on the laundry, and the only school polo that was clean, was also stained. A jumper would hide the stain, she skirt would not. So....she needed to wear the jumper. However, naturally, she wanted to wear the skirt. You follow me? It doesnt matter that both are made of the same tartan plaid, it apparently was a life or death trauma, one that included writhing on the floor and crying, even screaming...

I ended up just putting her in the car, tears a-streamin', and hoped she would pull things together on the 2 minute drive.

In the end, she made it to class, albeit late, and with a red face....but with the stain on her shirt hidden by her school uniform jumper.

I guess a good mommy would have had all the shirts cleaned. Just count this as one more chapter in the all-things-my-mommy-did-to-send-me-to-therapy diary that my children will one day write.

PS. if you havent entered yet...my chocolate giveaway ends tomorrow....enter at my chocolate blog

Why I send my kids to school

My kids go to school. Private school. Nothing fancy, but, the fact is, it costs me money, and there are times I wonder if I should homeschool instead....and enjoy more financial freedom.

But it's days like today, that I am reminded, why I send them to school.

Art.

I signed up to volunteer for, "Meet the Masters", and today was my lucky day. Meet the Masters is an art program, where the children get a lecture about a certain artist, and then they go back to class to create something in that artists style, or using their particular technique. So, basically, I just help out while they are doing their craft. Not hard.

Not hard, unless chaos and unstructured activities grate against your nerves.

Today, the 1st grade class learned about Degas. And their lesson culminated with a chalk art project....

Now, chalk is messy, but imagine, that instead of drawing with the chalk, the kids were instructed to color really hard with the chalk....so hard, that they made a pile of chalk dust. THEN, they take a tissue, wrap it around their index finger (and trust me, not every first grade boy has the fine motor skills to master this task), and scoop up the chalk dust....and rub it on their picture.

I know, that probably sounds just lovely to most of you. But I promise, between the coloring hard with chalk, the wrapping the tissue around the finger, and the scooping of the chalk to rub on their paper....well, lots of chalk dust gets tossed around.

AND, add to the mix, that my half of the class had most of the boys, including a few with "attention" and "staying-on-task" issues. If you know what I mean.

Before you know it, there was chalk ALL OVER THE DESKS, ALL OVER THEIR CLOTHES, and as the teacher later pointed out to me, *I* even had chalk on my face (and I didnt use the chalk!)

This....This is why I send my kids to school. So that they can do messy art projects somewhere else. So someone else can smile patiently as antsy boys are touching and playing with chalk all over their hands. So someone elses furniture can have colored dust particles smeared on it.

As for me and my house, we'll just stick with reading.

breaking news!

Yes, Jason, Im blogging again :)

I have been very busy removing hot pink nail polish from my daughters' pale pink walls, (God help me, only one more week until school starts!) but when I heard the news, I knew that informing my reader took priority.

Make sure you are sitting down, preferably with your legs crossed..... the big news is..... The Duggars are expecting child #19. Seriously.

Now, while some of you are catching your breath, I can also hear someone saying, "big deal....that is as predictable as the sun rising each day, The Duggars having another child....that's not breaking news at all."

How do you feel? How do I feel? I think the combination of "wow that is unbelievable" and "just what I expected" is an interesting convergence of emotions...and I think that is what I am feeling now....no judgement, no, "it's a vagina not a clown car" remarks from me, no sirrreeee....just amazement, and acceptance.

Each child is a gift from God, a blessing.....that's my thought and Im sticking to it.

What's yours?

the fair and the bearded lady

A couple of weeks ago, My Honey and I had the chance to go to the fair. "had the chance" is sort of an interesting way of putting it....

I grew up going to this fair, every year, it would kill me to miss it, that was before....well, before my extroversion began to wane....now, the thought of going to the fair, being bumped into by people with no sense of personal space, waiting in lines, listening to screaming....well, it's something I could pass on.

Our church youth group was having a "child care drop off" night, and we jumped at the chance to go out without it costing us $100 (seriously, if you havent used a babysitter lately, suddenly 14 year olds are demanding 3x the minimum wage...I know, I should have majored in babysitting....) but anyways, we couldnt pass up the opportunity to get out on our own, first time in a few dozen months...

I figured we would go out to a favorite restaurant, or see a movie...perhaps check out the new "Dueling pianos" bar...but My Honey wanted to go to the fair, and I knew that going without kids was the ONLY way I would even think of going....

After walking a mile or two, we entered into the legendary world of the fair.

Taking in the neon lights and flashing bells, we were drawn like magnets to the food aisle. We were like kids in a candy store, literally, and we declared that we would have a guilt free night of fair-food tasting.

Chocolate covered bacon, grilled corn on the cob, shaved ice, ...and My Honey's favorite, the deep fried Twinkie....all entertained our sense of taste....once full, we kept walking, knowing that the exercise would help reduce the guilt.

Typical carny coersion was in full force, as the game operators tried to lure you to their booth...we played some, knowing they were rigged, knowing that even if we "won" it would take a dozen "wins" to get the actual large prize that was displayed...we'd have to collect $100 worth of trinkets to trade in for anything worth carrying.....but knowing that we played, and lost.

My Honey almost won the basketball toss, "you were soooo close!" I told him, encouraging him to pay for another shot....it's the fair, might as well make the most of it, right?

Eventually, we found ourselves in the exposition hall, where booths filled with "as seen on TV" items were being peddled. Billy Mays (may he rest in peace) and The Sham-Wow guy have a lot of up and coming imitators. Slick salesman held up their wares, trying to entice us with practically miraculous claims.

One booth caught my eye, as they demonstrated the "Smooth Away Hair Removal System".

Back in the day, I had 2-3, long, course, fast growing, but thankfully, BLONDE hairs that grew just under my chin, about an inch to the left. Not a huge deal, easy to feel when they were getting long, easy to pluck.

However, in the past decade, that patch has gotten a few new hairs, and more recently, it's become quite a little garden of annoyance.

Perhaps this "Smooth Away" thing might be just what I needed.

Now, they claim it has "fine crystals" on this little pad, and you simply buff the hairy area. The gal showed me how it worked, and then told me to try it myself. I was apparently a bit too eager, because she noticed that I had scuffed off some of the skin. "dont press so hard next time, and it will not be as irritating."

Honestly, I didnt notice MUCH irritation, I was more enamored with the smooth chin it gave me. So, I bought one, and then proceeded through the fair grounds, feeling oh so fabulous with my smooth chin.

The late night came to an end, and we eventually wound up at home after picking up the kiddos.

The next day, I kept rubbing my chin, as an abrasion was brewing, from where I rubbed off my skin. But, at least it wasnt bearded anymore!

By the end of the day, seriously, I could feel the stubble coming back! THAT was a short lived dream. Now I was gonna have stubble, AND a big scab from my skin being scraped off! And, as if that wasnt bad enough, as soon as my chin began to heal, a new problem erupted, in the form of.....ingrown hairs! That's the thing I hate about hair removal, including eyebrow waxing, is before you know it, I have big pimples from ingrown hairs...which become quite big and ugly, not to mention painful.

Now, the big dilemna, do I even bother buffing off the now well grown return of my hairy, chin-patch? or just let it be?

Is it better to have a beard? ingrown hairs? abrasions?

Maybe next year I can return, and get my own booth as the bearded lady!

When your horoscope recommends staying in bed

I dont read my horoscope, but if I did, Im pretty sure today's would have advised me to stay in bed, avoid all commitments and contact....yep, Im pretty.sure!

Let me just preface this, with telling you that we are on day #2 of Little One's venture into "big girl panties". Yesterday was a huge success. Today, not so much.

We started out with Princess Jasmine panties.

Me: Princess Jasmine is HAPPY

LO: Yeah, she is happy.

Me: Make sure you put your potty in the toilet, so she can be happy.

LO: yeah, Im not gonna put potty on Princess Jasmine, that makes her SOOOO SAD!

Me: You will put your potty in the toilet, and she will be HAPPY.

I was so glad we were in agreement. I was just as happy as Princess Jasmine, that is, until, I went to load Little One into the car, and realized Princess Jasmine was either SO SAD that she was sobbing urine tears, or Little One had pee'd her panties.

Unfortunately, I was putting her into the car, because I was in a rush to drop off some yummy, decorative chocolates to church. An older woman lost her long battle with cancer, and I had agreed to bring some treats for the memorial reception.

I didnt want to be late, so I just buckled up my SAD PRINCESSES, along with Beauty and Pooper, and we were off.....

Now, the church, where the memorial was taking place.....is also the main campus of the school where my children attend. School is out for summer, but the staff were there. Anyhoo.....I pulled up, right up to the entry way (parking illegally, because I was just going to run my chocolates up to the reception....and the parking lot was pretty full due to the memorial service.)

I brought my pretty candies, and on my way back to the car, I got a FANTASTIC phone call. The President of Dove Chocolate Discoveries, was calling me, I was so excited!

So excited, that as I was entering my car (with children and a wet pair of Princess panties inside)...my car that was as close to the memorial service as possible (practically at the front doors) and my car that is right in front of the School Superintendent's office window....that car...as I was entering it, I accidentally set off the alarm. No kidding!

Ive got our President on the phone, as Im trying to keep my cool on the conversation, and fumbling to find my keys, and then to get my key in the door to turn off the alarm....fully aware that people are mourning just a few yards away....with my blaring horn going off! I almost drop the phone, the kids are screaming......

Luckily, Dove's President has a sense of humor, and was laughing with me, as I made a quick get away out of the parking lot, thankfully before people started coming out to see what MORON had their car alarm blaring in the midst of a memorial service. Nobody saw me, whew! Nobody but the school superintendant, who' was probably watching the whole thing out her office window!!

YIKES!!

Soon the day mellowed, and I took the kids home, and washed up Little One, putting her in some Ariel panties.

Me: Ok Little One, Ariel is very happy now, but we need to put our potty in the toilet so she can stay HAPPY.

LO: Ariel is HAPPY, but Princess Jasmine is SOOO SAD!!

Me; Yes, Princess Jasmine was sad you pee'd on her, but I will wash her, and make her HAPPY.

LO: She will be HAPPY and Ariel is HAPPY!!

Me: yes, so make sure you put your potty in the toilet so she can stay HAPPY!

to be continued............

so you think you can dance

Im not sure why I titled this, "So you think you can dance"...because, I dont even watch that show. But, I do think I can dance, and pretty good. I also think I am pretty good at baking and making fun desserts...that is, until I tried Bakerella's cake pops. She made it all look so easy, and her cake pops looked like...well, like they belonged on the Real Housewives of the OC. Mine, on the other hand, looked like they belonged....um....(hmmm...what can I say that wont offend SOMEONE??) Well, mine looked like they had missed one too many botox appointments, if you know what I mean.

You can see just what I did, how I made them, on my Chocolate website I will show you a photo, step by step. I already have the pictures uploaded, Woo Hoo...just need to get them put on my site, will do that tomorrow. But in the meantime, here is how I spend my time.

American Idol Recap

Ive been really looking forward to American Idol tonight, and while Im not sure he's my complete "favorite", I will say that Adam is the contestant I am really looking forward to hearing.

I think he is genius. Ring of Fire was AMAZING....sorry if the judges were too lame to realize it.

Now for tonight, I thought you all would really want to know; "What does HSH think?" LOL, not really, but Im tellin' ya anyways;

Anooop: Im not necessary all, "ANOOOOP DOG" or anything, but he had nice vocals tonight. Perhaps he could have taken more risks, etc. but it was still nice, and I was afraid he was gonna cry when the judges made their harsh comments.

Meghan: Ill be honest, my conservative self cant stop fixating on the tattoo. Every week I say to myself, "Such a pretty girl, why did she do that to herself?" And then I wonder if it's possible to get it completely removed, or will she always be scarred with it. Sad. She is cute, and her voice might do well with some songs, but she sounded super pitchy tonight, and boring. Note to Meghan, the audience WASNT feeling it! I can see her having quite a following at a coffee house, but Im not gonna buy one of her albums.

** Side note **
Im getting confused, do they want them to pick a song that represents their style? If so, are they then going to tell them the songs are too "Safe"????

Danny: his voice sounded strained, but I totally felt the emotion, heck, wanted to cry for him. Amazing song, amazing singer!

Alison: She rocks. More importantly, the commentary....do these people not realize that criticizing the "looks" of a teen girl, in front of tons of people, is totally not cool??? What teen girl (or any girl, or anyone??) wants to be criticized? Her outfit was just fine...., and RANDY, hello? Have you ever seen the old Journey videos? The ones where FAT RANDY is wearing red, spandez pants and an afro-hawk? She rocked. 'Nuf said!

Scott: Just so you know, Im not a huge fan. Im sure his mom is bursting with pride, and I give him major props, he is an accomplished and brave young man, but Im not buying an album. e.v.e.r. That said, When he said, "Im gonna strip it down with just me and the piano." my eyes rolled back into my head. Im just not into 70's piano ballads. Not tonight. Give me Daughtry, Give me Creed, Give me Pink, not a ballad. But his haircut did look nice, too poofy, but nice. As for the judges, why did Paula have to bring up his "challenges"?? She only accentuates the pity-card when she does that.

** Side Note***
Was Paula drugged tonight? I mean, more than usual? She was a bit slurry and drippy.

Matt: Sometimes pitchy, but I liked it a lot. I love that song and he had great emotion. As for the judges...Are they kidding? Criticize that his voice wasnt at it's best, but that song was great, and perfect for him!

** Side Note **
Im liking people based on the songs, more than their voice...so people, no more ballads!

Lil: I like Lil. She is sweet. Im not a huge Celine fan. I mean, it's part of that "ballad" crowd that just makes me tip over out of boredom. But, Lil did a great job. She has an incredible voice. The hairdo looks nice on her,, but Im not a big fan of wigs, so that was distracting...but overall, nice performance. Paula gave the best critique....we dont want more "adult contemporary" music. (period. from anyone.)

**Side Note** My husband, who doesnt usually make fun of people, made jokes about her name throughout the performance. Shame!

**Another Side Note **
love how they are saving Adam til the end EVERY WEEK...they know he is what keeps many of us tuned in!

Adam: Ive been waiting to hear Adam, since he sang his final note last week. He is so filled with talent...Ok, he should have saved this for 70's night. I would have liked to hear him sing something more current...but he was amazing. His voice is phenomenal!

Kris: I think Kris is adorable. The past weeks, Ive liked him, but dont feel he has the power that some of the others bring. Tonight, he seemed much stronger and I got to hear his clear voice with plenty of emotion. Not a huge fan of the mustache, but unlike a multicolored tattoo covering an entire limb, it's removable.

My favs are probably Adam, Allison, Danny, Matt and Kris. These are the folks that have the best shot of selling me an album.

How about you? Who'd ya love? Who made you hit the zzzz's or plug your ears?

All the fun

For today, all the fun is happening at my other blog....great things you wont want to miss!



www.thechocolateladyblog.blogspot.com

Mini Me

Lately, Ive been starting to see a few of these around town;



These mini cars save on gas, reduce pollution, and would help make the world a greener place. And, if there were a way to strap my kids on top, perhaps with a special child-roof rack, it would be much more doable. But as it is, I dont understand how we are to fit a family with 3 children, and their regulation car seats (Im not gonna even mention friends for a play date.) But, let's suppose they work that out....and we can all fit, and it's the perfect car. Is it really the best idea to get a car like this, when so many of the other cars look like this;





And this:



It seems to me, that we cant all be on the same roads at one time, it's just not safe. It seems the auto industry needs to come to some sort of agreement re: cars and sizes and such, so that we can all drive safely together. We should either all be mini-ish, or not, but this mixed bag is scaring me.

we're breaking up

You know, sometimes you think you know someone, you think you can trust them...not just "trust them" with a confidence, but that you know what they are about and that you can trust their character, their judgment. And then, there are those times, you realize, you were totally wrong, and you have quite an emotional toll to pay for it.

And, Ill just say this, it's never easy breaking up. Even when you know someone is no good, you want to hold on to what was, and what could be.... Forcing yourself to walk away is often the best plan, but the hardest to do.

But now I have kids involved, and for their sake, Im going to do whats right.

So, it's official, we are D.O.N.E. with this guy!



In case the mussed up hair is making it hard to see....or if your brain just cant register the image of this guy in this provocative pose, let me help....it's Zac Efron. Zac as in, "Troy Bolton" the guy my daughter swoons over.....the High School Musical stud that brought us great music, and a lot of fun.

He's on the beach, rolling in the sand, with a NAKED GIRL (and no, it's not his other naked girfriend, Vanessa....and, on a side note, we "forgave" Vanessa for her photo-episode, but this was planned and purposeful on Zac's part....so, no grace!)

And, I realize this picture is only of their sand covered, faces, but go ahead and google it, the real pic shows the girls BARE BOTTOM and she is topless!!

So, now that Beauty loves this guy, this "wholesome" guy, he goes and does this. I could see if eventualllly, the fame wagon took him down this road, but this was a sudden jump into the abyss. Zac commented in the accompanying article, that he wants to start taking some riskier moves. Super!

The sad part, is Beauty just saw a billboard for an upcoming Zac Efron movie, and is excited for it's release.....now, there is no way we are going. She's young, but Im gonna teach her now, to learn to walk away.

If next week we see some article, where he is crawling back to his teeny-bopper fans, with, "Im so sorry" and "I made a bad choice"...we arent gonna fall for it. We are totally walking away from this guy, lesson learned.

I wouldnt expect anything else

You know, it seems that some things are just expected. Like, when my kids were set up to have their annual professional pics taken, and they got lice the week prior. It really wasnt a surprise, that something would happen to make things less than perfect.

I mean, the fact that I slathered their heads full of vaseline (to kill the lice) and then had to wash it several hundred times, on top of covering their strands with corn starch (to soak up the vaseline and make it easier - supposedly - to get the vaseline out)...that was sort of the norm, in a special sort of way. Why in the world should their hair just look normal for their pics? Why shouldnt I have to be frantic and work at it?

So, being as we have "family portraits" scheduled, family as in, even mom and dad (which hasnt been done EVER), it would be too unusual for us to just all look our best, really.

It started this morning, when Pooper came to me, realizing it was St. Baldricks (a pediatric cancer fundraising event, that takes place on St. Patricks Day, where people are sponsored to shave their heads) and told me he wanted to go to a St. Baldricks event and have his head shaved. He even had brought a handful of money to donate.

Well, how do I say, "No" ??? Normally, I could care less if he is bald....we got over that a long time ago. But, pictures are coming up. But, this is for pediatric cancer research....thankfully, the event was for such a narrow window of time (not all day) and it conflicted with swim team. He cried, I stood my ground, family pictures saved.

That was until my perfect child (and by perfect I mean so gosh darn well behaved that it frightens me) came upstairs to have her hair done. And, how odd it was, that the front of her hair didnt seem long enough to reach into the pony tail. Considering her hair is all one length, and pretty long at that, it was odd. And then, those spikey hairs by her forehead, was that new hair growth? a fresh batch of "baby hair"....No....now it's become quite crystal clear, Beauty has cut her freakin' bangs! Of course! We are having family pictures in a couple weeks, I wouldnt expect anything else!

Not our family sport

I cant wait until my kids are just a bit older, so that we can start doing fun family activities together. It's not that we arent creating traditions now, like going to the yogurt shop or watching Disneyland parades...but Im looking for something more adventurous that we can do together.

You know how some families all go dirt bike riding on a regular basis, or snow skiing several times a winter....'cause it's their THING?? Well, Im looking for something like that for my family.

I can tell you right now, it's NOT going to be ice-skating.

Today we went to the "Great Park" (that's what it's called) and they had free ice-skating at a rink that they have set up. It was My Honey's idea to go, and it sounded fun to me and the kids, so off we went.

Believe it or not, they had skates tiny enough for Little One...so we were all on the ice. Holding onto the rails, unsteadily jerking around, catching the side rail, falling on our rumps....slowly and painfully, edging around the rink. Joy.

My Honey very quickly decided to sit out with Little One, because one more trip around the circle would probably have resulted in her arm being pulled out of it's socket....as she held her Daddy's hand and slipped to the ground.

I actually did ok, with short glides, able to distance myself about a foot from the rail....so brave was I! But for goodness sake, how much fun can you have when your ankles are aching and you feel as if you might split your head open at any second???

Beauty was loving it. She more or less walked around the ice, but she was confident.

Pooper...God love him. I was reminded that his osteoperosis and neuropathy limit his strength, as his ankles were much weaker than anyone else (which is pretty weak) and could barely support him. He didnt give up, he insisted on going round and round for the entire 45 minute session. Body pressed against the side wall, tightly gripping the rail, as he moved him self along. He was a real trooper.

And while we now have a "family ice skating" memory....Im sort of thinking, perhaps hoping, it's our last. I dont plan on being the family that makes a habit of ice skating together. It's not going to be our thing. It's just not.

What Im really waiting for, is for Little One to get another year or two under her belt, so we can go kayaking, snorkeling...and eventually white water rafting and scuba diving together. We will be the family that heads to the water for our annual vacations, and sneaks in mini-trips in between. Yep, it's going to be water for us, all kinds of water, as long as it's not frozen!

Where have you been?

Ok, I admit, I have slipped out of bloggerville.... I have been busy doing my chocolate stuff, blah blah blah....and you dont even have to hear about it here, because I have a new blog JUST FOR CHOCOLATE, where I share my recipes, entertaining ideas, and more. You can visit it at www.thechocolateladyblog.blogspot.com or just click here.

But anyways...life goes on, and there is just so much fun stuff that I have missed out on telling you.

The kiddos have all been fantastic...

Pooper just won 1st place in his speech meet competition, and will go on to the regionals. He also is pretty enthraled with his Nintendo DS and all things Pokemon. In fact, Pooper, recognizing the need in the world for tips on how to play Pokemon on Nintendo, wanted to create his own blog... Check it out!

Beauty is her same sweet self, going through her day with joy and obedience. She is excited to go camping soon, with her Y Indian Princess tribe (father-daughter thing)...her Indian Princess name is Little Dancing Dolphin, and she and Big Laughing Shark (My Honey) will be in the San Diego area for an upcoming weekend, probably learning Pow-wow songs and stuff.

Little One is two, and I mean, she is living and breathing the twos and all things terrible that it brings; independence, resistance, insistance, refusal-to-sleep-and-then-crabby-due-to-being-tired.... but I must say, while she exudes the 2's more than my other kids ever did, she is also incredibly adorable....and honestly, I thank God for her confidence and independence, even if it's driving me crazy now.

So, that's how Ive been spending my time....what about you???

What was she thinking?

Well Hello,

Long time no chat. I dont know if I could have ever really called this "chatting"...but, *I'M* chatting...so....anyways...

As you probably know, because Ive rambled on about it before, I went to the Mars Chocolate School a couple weeks ago, and let's just say, it was AMAZING. My kids squeeled when I told them there were free candy bars just lying around all over the place (true!).

I earned the trip as part of my new Dove business, Im an independent Chocolatier, and I was rewarded for my sales and team building. Dove treated me like a queen....there were 14 of us that earned the trip, and at every turn we were being given lavish gifts, taken to fancy restaurants, and the entire time we had private rooms in a swanky hotel.

But now, Ive returned to life, and life it is.

This past weekend, there has been a creepy predator in our neighborhood. He approached Pooper and his friends on Sat. evening, and on Sunday at noon he was back and tried to abduct one of the boys (Pooper was not there on Sun.) Apparently there have been other instances this past week, same guy....so our normally tranquil community has been swarming with dozens of Sheriff's deputies going door to door asking questions, and news crews have been camped out giving "live reports".

While Im glad to have the news coverage (better opportunity to catch the jerk)...Ive never understood why a TV crew would brave the LA traffic and drive all the way here (2 hours away), just to have our street in the backdrop. Is the story any different if they just report it from behind the news desk? Is it worth the gas and man power to have actual homes in the scene? Such a mystery.

Another mystery, the one that prompted my writing today, is why anyone would do THIS

And before you think this is some tribal custom...the woman is Brazillian and lives in Scotland, she's not "tribal" AND, she's a nurse, like, WHOA! Imagine waking up from a coma to see her face!

I saw the article in the news, and I just cringed. My kids already know that tattoos and piercings wont be allowed in my home (at 16 the girls can get each ear single pierced)....call me too strict, call me Duggar-ish, I dont care, it's how we roll. I cant imagine anyone enduring that much physical pain, or wanting to endure the stares and judgement (because, obviously they would get it.) What makes a person want to be considered a weird-o?

Then there is the other extreme, the plastic-barbie-I-look-perfect facade that is trademark for some folks, going so out of their way to be accepted.

(speaking of the barbie-bimbo types, did anyone see the Real Housewives of the OC last night? I dont know what is worse, having a creepy predator or an OC housewife in my neighborhood!!!)

In any case....life is strange, and it continues on...............

More fun than a Caribbean cruise!

My Honey and I both love to travel. No offense to the "North Pole Express" folks, but it takes something more than a 3 mile train plod, out to the cattle fields, to satiate our vacation hunger.

With finances being pinched, we arent in a position to go anywhere...oh, we did venture to the snow last year, and there was that Make-A-Wish extravaganza to Florida a few years back.....but somehow both left us wanting on the R&R scale.

Sometimes, we talk about trips, planning them down to the detail, knowing that we arent actually going to go....but it makes us feel good to pretend we *might* go. Just for kicks, I like to go on the internet and look at the bargain prices for last minute cruises, and it makes it seem like Im almost out on the water, when I read about the itinerary and amenities on board.

The other day, I ran into a neighbor at the market. She was sharing her latest woes re: her grown children, and how they are depleting her retirement kitty. She said, "My sister has a boat and a vacation home, Ive got 3 kids!"

Earlier today, My Honey had just a tinge of envy in his voice, as he remarked that a co-worker, a childless co-worker, had an ocean view home on Newport Coast, and another residence in the mountains.

"But he doesnt have kids!" I reminded him.

"Yes, I know!" My Honey responded.

"We could be galavanting off to the South of France each Spring (or whenever it's best to go), and scuba diving in Tahiti each Fall, with ski trips to Idaho in the Winter...we could do all of that, but we have our dear children instead..." I said, as I sort of weighed things in my mind.

"Yes, I know!" said My Honey.

"And we wouldnt trade them for anything, would we? They are much more fun than a dozen vacations, arent they?" I wondered.....trying to convince myself.

"Yes" My Honey insisted, "Especially when you are wiping poop up off the floor."

By the way, we are still totally open to trying out some resort locations, and blogging about it. Yep, we are the flexible kind of folks that are fully up to "bartering" if anyone (like Beaches with Elmo) is interested.

The Real Thing

After our trip to The North Pole, I had a lot of work ahead of me, if I was going to salvage any of Pooper's belief in Santa.

I realize many moms would have just let it go, the kid is 8 now, and pretty bright, so maybe it's just his time to let Santa go....

But Pooper's belief had been so strong prior to our trip, I just knew there was still some hope.

I gave up trying to rationalize why there were cows, and no snow, at the North Pole, or how we travelled through 3 countries and onto a new continent....sort of. What I did do, was take the kids to "google earth" to see if we could figure out exactly where we had went.

I pulled up the "satellite" version (as in the version that has very little snow on the ground) of North America, and asked Pooper and Beauty, to use the mouse to show me where they think we went. We all agreed, that we had gone past Canada, at least to the Northwest Territories (obviously!) After that, it became unclear.....Beauty does seem to remember passing some water, although Pooper wasnt sure. I asserted, that we had probably gone to the "border" of the North Pole area, and not to the actual "pole" itself.

Clearly, from the map, there was not snow along our route, as that seems to be reserved for the axis or "pole", but there is plenty of dirt and earthy terrain as you go from Washington, through Canada, and into the Northwest Territories, to the border of the North Pole. Pooper could clearly see this, and agreed, that we had probably just went to the "entrance"...because logically, that is where the train would stop.

AND, just like in our local mountains, the streets and stores have been cleared of snow, the train station had most likely been cleared of any snow, for safety reasons, and besides, the heat of the engine would have melted any snow, of course.

Pooper spent some time moving the mouse along the map, trying to decide which path we might have taken...and it didnt really matter....as long as he was reconciling, both mentally, visually, tactily, that we had indeed gone through Canada up to the Northern part of the world, I knew things would be ok.

I had asked Pooper, "How will you know if this guy wasnt a fraud?"

"If he gives me everything on my list" he said, matter of factly.

Usually, my kids are allowed to pick one item, but this year, Pooper had picked two. Prior to our trip, I had talked with him about it, and let him know that it wasnt right to ask for so much, and there was just no way he was going to get two big things. Not to mention, the things were; 1. a drum set, which I just wouldnt allow, due to noise and neighbors, and 2. a Nintendo DS, which was not only expensive, but violated our household rule of no electronic games (not because we are against electronic games, per se, but the free games on the computer seem just fine to me, I dont want to get sucked into an entire "system" that you need to keep feeding.) Pooper sobbed, letting me know that all his friends had the Nintendo, and they talked about it at school.....I held my ground, but it was ultimately out of my hands, as Santa didnt always listen to my advice.

Besides, Pooper reminded me, that Santa doesnt have to pay money, he makes everything for free....

On our trip to the North Pole, when Pooper was chatting with the big guy, he gave him his list, asking for the drums and Nintendo. Santa said he could have them both! Although, he said, "Im out of red drums (which Pooper had wanted) but I can get you some blue ones."

So, what a surprise Christmas morning, when the first thing Pooper saw, was blue drums....and a nintendo was under the tree too.

Additionally, there was a book, unwrapped, aside the fire place, with a note....It was the Autobiographpy of Santa Claus, the book that he had recommended to Pooper, in order to understand Santa's magic. He had left it, reminding Pooper that this was the book with the answers.

Pooper hasnt read the book, I dont think it's necessary anymore, thank goodness.

Santa is real, and Pooper knows it. Thanks to Santa's magic, and very generous grandparents!

The day Santa died........

Well, first of all, he didnt really die, just his spirit seems to have evaporated in the mind of Pooper. And, maybe not even that, maybe it's just a temporary lapse......let me explain.

Pooper has been 100% on-board with Santa. It's Pooper that reminds us that Santa doesnt have to pay for the toys, so there is no limit to what we can ask for.....or about how he can magically do things....

Beauty loves Santa, but she doesnt seem as riveted by his magic, but Pooper, he is! or....was?

Several weeks ago, My Honey and I made plans to take the kids on the Polar Express. Actually, not the Grand Canyon one....but one up in Fillmore, called the, "North Pole Express." Fillmore is about 3 hours away, just north of Los Angeles. My Honey knew a colleague that had gone with her kids and she said it was fabulous. We had wanted to go for so long to the Polar Express, but it is several hours away, so this Fillmore option seemed perfect.

The kids had no idea about this surprise, and as Christmas has drawn closer, they have been concerned that we hadnt made our annual trak to the mall to chat with the old guy. They believe that if you dont tell him what you want, that you wont get everything....(this is Pooper's belief)...but that you will only get part of what you want, because you didnt make the effort to come and see Santa.

So, Pooper has been worried that he wont get his desired list....really worried. Beauty, well, she doesnt even have a list, she finally decided she wants some, "fashion", but that's it.

Yesterday, as we took our car in to get the window fixed, Pooper wondered if we would be able to squeeze in a trip to the mall to see Santa, I (always turning our outtings into ADVENTURES) told him I had called the mall, and Santa had already packed up and was headed back to the North Pole. This, naturally, upset my kids, and as soon as I saw their devastation, I quickly told them, that WE WERE GOING TO TRACK HIM DOWN! Daddy was leaving work early, and if we could get the window fixed on the car, we would drive up to an old train that would take us to see Santa.

*** Note*** I was unsure what the "story" would be on this train...would they make the claim that we were actually at the North Pole? I wasnt willing to make such promises to my kids, so I simply said, "I dont know how, but they are going to try to go as far as they can to find Santa, ON HIS WAY to the North Pole."

Pooper, naturally had lots of questions, and he was very excited at the prospect of breaking a world record! You see, he seemed to know that the youngest person to go to the Arctic was 4 years old, and this would allow Little One the new honor. He also began calculating how long it would actually take to get to the Arctic, the path to get there (he noted crossing bodies of water!) and many times throughout the day, he became filled with excitement as he would, "get to go to a new continent!"

This all spelled big trouble to me, and I reminded him, that I wasnt sure if we were going to the North Pole, or just finding Santa on his way....

In any case, I TRUSTED, that this company that had developed this fantasy had done what was necessary to make it special, and REAL. You know???

So, we left our house around 2pm....but I purposely kept saying that it was "lunch time", hoping to create an optical illusion re: the time we would travel. We stopped for "dinner" at 4pm up near Valencia, "WAY passed LA"...and then, "drove longer until it was dark" (another hour) to get to the station in Fillmore. I was proud of myself, because, with the help of a setting sun, I had made the children believe we had been driving "all day, for many hours" and Pooper now believed we had gone passed San Francisco. Yes, I had done MY PART to help authenticate this journey.

We arrived in Fillmore, a sleepy old town, which in the dark, appeared to be a migrant town for workers of the avocado farms and vineyards. There was a Santa's Village set up, with a small carousel ....funny thing about the carousel.

I was watching while My Honey rode around with the girls, and I noticed a rather large boy on a horse...well, he wasnt actually, ON the horse, as he purposely slid himself from side to side, laughing (and bumping into the "first time dad" holding his daughter on the horse next door.) Apparently, it was his grandparents standing next to me, and they gave commentary as the ride progressed:

Grandma: "JEREMY! sit still, you are kicking that man!"

Grandpa: he cant sit still, he doesnt fit on that seat, so he is cutting up to cope.

Grandma: "JEREMY! STOP THAT! Sit still!"

This went on, and I kid you not, as Jeremy passed each time, I could hear the creaking of the old wooden planks that secured his horse, they clearly seemed to be at their limit!

Anyhoo....eventually (7:20pm) we heard the whistle and boarded the old, antique train.

The company clearly asserted that we would indeed be heading all the way up to the North Pole. My kids were nearly bursting with excitement as we settled into our seats...Pooper with his face pressed against the window.

As our journey began, "Elves" came and passed out cookies, milk, ....everyone was filled with joy, except for my son, who was staring in disbelief out the window.

The train was going, approximately, 6.5 miles per hour, and Pooper turned to me and said, "We're never going to get there at this speed!"...I asked an elf if the train would start going faster soon, and she said, "No, the tracks are wet, and we need to be careful of 'slippage'"....

ok, first, what the heck is "slippage"???? The metrolink takes people up and down the state, every day, rain or shine, with no slippage. Secondly, I knew darn well, that if we never went any faster, Pooper's investment in Santa would have some serious "slippage"....

I said to the lady, in a quiet voice, "Two plus two makes four, and this one will never believe we made it to the North Pole at this rate."....and she answered loudly, "It's Santa Magic! We WILL get to the North Pole, with Santa Magic!"

Whatever...I remained hopeful, and the train plugged along......and from the window, we could see the cars, going much faster than us, on the freeway that paralleled the tracks. (really!)

At one point, Pooper turned to me and said, "I can ride my bike faster than this train!!"

He seemed genuinely upset.

During our ride, elves lead the group is boisterous rounds of Christmas carols, and read stories....and while everyone joined in, Pooper sat with his angry face pressed up to the window.

When the conductor announced that we were heading into the North POle.....everyone focused out the window, and cheered as they saw Santa waving at them. Santa was outside, in front of his stiped pole, and his little shack titled, "The North Pole."

While others cheered and hollered with glee, Pooper burst out, "That's it??!! There's not even snow!!" Clearly the Christmas songs were not enough to distract him from the farm animals, dirt, trees, and parallel roads that were clearly visible from the window.

My Honey and I went into overdrive with reasons why he had just spotted a cow, "Well, Im sure there are some families, somewhere, that are asking Santa for a cow to help with their farming, so he needs to have cows here to give to people!"

Pooper: A cow would die at the North Pole.

We told him all about Santa Magic, reminded him of the "hours and hours of all day journeying to get to this point"....I even had him believing we had gone through parts of Canada, and more..... I also threw in my motherly, "dont be so ungrateful! Many starving children would be so thankful to come on this train to see Santa!"

But his face was down, and his heart was heavy, and I didnt know if we could do anything to change it!

DANG IT!! Id rather have not come at all, then to waste all this time, just to kill his dream. If we had stayed home, he would be a full-on believer, now, thanks to POOR PLANNING ON THE PART OF THE "North Pole Express" company.....He was a serious doubter. I was kind of mad, and felt ripped off too.....I quickly multiplied the cost of the ticket, times the 500+ people that came each night (they mentioned such)....and wondered, "Could they not invest in a backdrop of snow???? or at least make some efforts to appear to be in the North Pole???"

Anyhoo... finally, we told Pooper, "I dont know these mysteries, you'll have to ask Santa." ...and he did.

After the train ride, we waited in the 30 degree winds to talk to Santa, and Pooper asked him how we got to the North Pole so quickly, when the train was driving slow...and Santa told him that there was an entire book about the magic of Santa, and told Pooper if he read it, it would answer his questions.

Pooper left, still unsure, (and now wanting that book)....he said the test will be, if he gets the items written on the list he gave to Santa.

I happen to have some insider information, and the prospect is hopeful, that the gifts under the tree will help to restore some of Santa's magic...Ill keep you posted!

How I spend my time

It's been way too long since I have ranted on this blog. In the chance that there may be one reader that is still checking back to find out how the kids and I are doing...I thought I would update.

Id love to tell you all about the delicious life I lead as a Dove Chocolatier, so here goes;

Today, I spent the morning at the glass shop, for the 2nd time. Glass, as in, my passenger car window is broken, and since it's unsafe to ride around in the rain with the wind flapping against the non-see-through plastic trash bag that is afixed to my car with duct tape, and I need the glass shop to repair the window.

How might a glamour-puss, such as myself, come to find herself in need of a new passenger window? Let me answer that for you.

Over a week ago, I was at a Live Nativity, held at the park in my neighborhood. My Honey and I organize it each year, which includes renting farm animals. After the Nativity, the animal handler and her son got the donkey, goats and sheep back into the truck, and I went to my van to retrieve my checkbook, so to pay them.

Pay attention to this part: I went to my van, (obviously had my car key, as I did indeed open the van.) I then went to the animal truck, where I placed my checkbook on the passenger seat as I filled out the amount. I then tried to get back into my van, but could not find the key. Of course, the animal truck had already taken off, bound back to San Diego (an hour drive), and I didnt have their cell number.

There was an off chance, that they key was actually inside MY van. An off chance. The night sky did not allow me enough light to see in clearly, but since I didnt have a lot of choices besides putting my track skills into action and chasing down the truck with animals, I called the towing company to get them to open my van (in hopes of finding my key.)

My Honey and my 3 freezing children were waiting patiently. Ok, they werent patient at all. My Honey was upset that I had not been more responsible, and my children were hitting each other and crying and not listening to either parent. And then we waited for the tow truck guy.

He immediately tried to connect with my kids, and told my 8 year old, "My name is the same as one of your Sesame Street friends!"

Pooper: Oscar? Elmo?

Me: Bert? Ernie?

BINGO...his name was Ernie, and he was here to save the day, or else really botch it up.

After 45 minutes of failed attempts to open the van door, and just minutes shy of my children frying my last nerve, he had some success and the car alarm sounded, indicating he had opened the door.

With the alarm blaring, I searched, and searched, and there was no key! Really!

Ernie drove My Honey back to our house, and then My Honey drove back to get us in his car.

Long story short, we eventually got the key (and I do mean LONG STORY).....but for the purposes of this post, and my visit to the glass shop, you dont need to know more about the key.

What you may want to know, is that once the key was found, and I was driving in the van, it came to happen, that I rolled down the passenger side window, only to find that it would not roll back up. Instead it made some grinding noises. My mind went back to a few nights prior, to when The Muppet had thrashed around inside my passenger door with his long metal bar. Great!

So, to paraphrase: window broken, storm was coming, My Honey taped up the van with plastic bags and I looked like a real winner driving around with a Hefty duct taped to my vehicle. AND, throw in the wind, and a bag that flapped itself out of position, and you get the idea.

Now....I went to the glass shop the 1st time, and he jimmy rigged the window back into place, until the part arrived. Good!

However, last night, with a rain storm approaching, the glass slipped back down into the window, making it necessary for me to return today, to get the whole thing fixed. The part they ordered, the window motor, was in, and would just take an hour to fix.

The kids were on their best behavior, as we have an important trip to take tonight, to the Polar Express....another long story, but if they are going to see Santa, we are going to drive, and take a train, and try to see him on his last stop before Christmas. So, they are amped, anticipation is high, and it all makes for a dramatic approach to Chriatmas. But we cant go without the window on the car, so that's what we did this morning, with plans to leave on our trip to see Santa at around 1pm.

And, since it wouldnt be as exciting to just sit and wait at the glass shop, I spent some time on the phone getting the insurance to send the paperwork, so that the repair costs would be covered without making me broke.

While Im on the phone with the insurance adjuster, Little One announces with a hurried tone, "Ive gotta go poop!"

With my cell phone pressed up to my ear, I scan the room for a bathroom, and see NONE. I finally get a worker who points me in the direction across the warehouse, and Beauty, Little One and myself all scoot across to the restroom. Once inside, I realize the light and fan are on the same wall switch, and I cant quite hear the adjuster on the phone when Im in the bathroom.

So, I step outside, and somehow, in the 2 minutes I was out of the bathroom, Little One manages to get poop all over herself and the toilet, not to mention, I need a new Pull Up.

Im still on the phone with the insurance gal, who is trying to get the paperwork together to send to the glass guy. She is asking me questions, and I try to answer, as I balance the cell phone against my shoulder, while wiping poop off my child.

I am ever mindful, that the paper towels being used to wipe the poop, will most likely clog the toilet, which will only add to the hilarity of the situation.

As Im trying to get the poop under control, I really cant even hear the lady on the phone, because of the loud fan, however, if I turn off the fan, and the light, I cant really see the poop well enough to clean. And, oh, did I mention Little One was crying?

Another long story shortened, we cleaned the poop up, we got the insurance issue handled, and drove away in our van with the new window motor.

Now, we will scurry up to the North Pole, making a last ditch effort to see Santa before Christmas.....

Can you see, why I havent had a lot of time to post? or, has the last reader left, and Im writing this to myself? If you write a post on blogspot, and nobody reads it, is it really there?

Merry Christmas!